This week, Patryk Zamorski, Leadership Consultant & Coach, confronted a universal reality of professional life: disappointment. From missed promotions and lost mandates to shifting market forces and restructuring, the session reframed setbacks as raw material for learning, growth, and connection, not verdicts on personal worth.
From Shock to Strategy
Zamorski proposed a simple mnemonic—REN—as a practical arc for moving from reaction to response: Reframe, Emotions first, then Network. The aim is not to deny pain but to metabolise it into forward motion. As Gannon noted, disappointment is a daily companion in demanding roles; how we relate to it determines whether it serves us or slowly corrodes confidence.
Reframing Setbacks: Failure as Data
Drawing on growth-mindset research from American Psychologist Carol Dweck, Zamorski urged a shift from “I failed” to “I’m learning.” In this view, a lost pitch or passed-over promotion becomes information about fit, timing, or process, not a permanent label. He also highlighted the “desirable difficulties” principle: friction strengthens mastery over time, much like training a muscle. The invitation is to ask, “What is this situation here to teach me?” rather than “Why me?”.
A related discipline is disentangling the event from the story we tell about the event. Something happened; then meaning was added. Spotting that gap creates room to edit the narrative—and our next decision.
Emotions First: Name It to Tame It
The group discussed the importance of dealing with disappointment in the right order. Before resolving it, self-regulation is important. Zamorski recommended a 90-second micro-routine:
- Pause.
- Label what you feel (“I feel disappointed and anxious”).
- Breathe slowly to down-regulate arousal.
This “name it to tame it” approach normalises emotion and restores agency, especially in public, high-stakes settings where composure is required. As Gannon asked, how do we do this without “erupting” at work? Practice and breathwork were presented as discreet, always-available tools.
Your Network
Ron Given underscored a hard truth from current market cycles: even strong performers can be affected by external decisions (e.g., restructurings or strategic shifts). Isolation amplifies pain; reaching out to trusted friends, mentors and professional peers—provides perspective, opportunities and emotional ventilation. Zamorski echoed the social-support evidence: one of the strongest predictors of resilience is connection.
How To Give Disappointing Feedback
The conversation turned to leaders’ responsibilities when delivering disappointing news. Two principles emerged:
- Intention check. Enter the conversation to help, not to “dump data.” Genuine developmental intent naturally produces a two-way, respectful dialogue.
- Kindness and realism. Be human, specific and future-oriented—people you manage today may be your clients (or colleagues) tomorrow. Don’t burn bridges; protect dignity while being clear about standards and next steps.
Inter Generational Dynamics
Younger lawyers often expect more frequent, conversational feedback. Rather than resisting, the group saw this as healthy pressure on senior lawyers to improve coaching skills. The “game” (performance, learning, business outcomes) remains the same; the tone and cadence of feedback is evolving towards respect, clarity, and collaboration.
Practical Playbook
- Use REN. Reframe → Emotions first → Network.
- Run the 90-second reset. Pause, label, breathe.
- Audit your story. Separate facts from the meaning you’ve attached.
- Ask one learning question. “What’s the smallest change I can test next time?”
- Phone a friend. Treat outreach as a professional skill, not a last resort.
- Lead well. When giving hard feedback: prepare, be specific, co-design next steps, and signal continued belief. Dealing with Professional Dissa…
Conclusion
Disappointment isn’t a detour from a career; it is the terrain. By reframing failures as data, regulating emotions before problem-solving, and relying on networks for both perspective and opportunity, professionals can convert difficult moments into momentum. As Ron observed, “you’ve got to be interacting with people when things are going bad.” The invitation is clear: feel it, frame it, and move together.
